Watch the trailer. We are "Equal Opportunity Offenders." Satire: our way of life. Parody: the tool of our trade. Irony: our ne...
In the Barbieland Ken is a clingy, jealous, possessive, and insecure idiot who only lives to impress Barbie. And since everything in the REAL WORLD is the flip side, that must mean that Greta’s projection of reality is that all women are clingy, jealous, possessive, and insecure idiots. Just a thought.
Imagine you are attending "The Barbies!" We've got a more truthful albeit still confusing monologue by America Ferrera as a presenter here at "The Barbies!"
Ferrera: Welcome to the BARBIES. Yes. We’re taking back our power by blaming everyone for our problems. It’s literally impossible to be powerful while acting like a loser, but we’re going to go for it. It kills me that you’re smart and beautiful, but you totally fell for this disempowering bullshit.
And now that women have been put in charge in Hollywood …they have to answer for all of their box office flops and poorly written films.
But if fans or men point that out, they’re accused of being toxic, racist, or sexist. And nobody gives us women an award or medal or even a toaster oven. Just millions upon millions of dollars and maybe an Oscar for incomprehensible reasons.
And it’s literally impossible to accuse men of objectifying us if we do it first. And It’s literally impossible to pretend to champion curvy women of color and various genders while having the personification of the white blond ideal woman Margot Robbie cast in the title role.
And it’s literally impossible to use literally, literally this many times. Like. It just kills me.
If it works on a small scale, GO BIG! And Barbie was hardly small scale. So, what’s next? Well, of course there will be myriad Barbie sequels. And MATTEL (makers of Barbie) have some 60 movies (based on their toys) in the works. (Dwayne Johnson is working on “Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots.” J.J. Abrams is working on “Hot Wheels.” May God help us all.) Surely though, there’s something more that Barbie can bring to us. Something larger. A bigger universe where icons, designed to objectify women, are gathered aan somehow “re-worked” and “re-purposed” to, ostensibly, empower women! Don’t ask any questions. Just, go with it. It’s gonna be genius!
I really wanted to like the Barbie movie. I suppose I would have liked the movie that they marketed to me, but that isn’t what the movie turned out to be. I want to first say that the marketing (albeit deceptive) was the best marketing I’ve seen for a movie in a long, long time. It harkened back to the days of the one or two per summer blockbusters. --when movies truly were events, and it took years to make tent-pole pictures. Well, as brilliant (and all encompassing) as the marketing was, the movie was the opposite. It was perhaps diabolical, but that might be giving the creators too much credit. It was so incredibly convoluted on top of its nonsense (as well as choosing matriarch revenge -- very non-matriarch-like) over a world of gender equality, that I have to think the authors are ignorant if not also mean-spirited. At minimum, a few visits to even a half-assed shrink could have cleared up some of the whiny victimhood that the movie actually promotes.
Now, I would just dismiss this whole thing as a “silly little movie.” Why get “worked up about it?” Well, only because many people have “drank the Kool-Aid” and consider it to be some sort of seminal work. Most egregious is the celebrated and “heralded as genius” speech written for America Ferrera by Greta and her husband. “Yeah, they really get me and understand women and their plight” is what many women seemingly “take away.” (And, clutch the pearls, she was nominated for best screenplay but snubbed for best director!) The issue is, the speech is purposely woven with paradox. That’s fine, but it mostly blames men for downside of the paradox. It hands over all the power to men, while believing that it somehow empowers women. It actually puts them in a victim posture, at the mercy of men and their whims. It also wants to “have its cake and eat it too.” Because it’s really the women behind this movie that are “putting women in their place” rather than men. Why is it that a “Magical Latina” must speak for Barbie and the “theme/point?” Because they could never cast Ferrera as the lead for a movie that is supposedly about equality and celebrating all shapes and sizes and colors of women. Without much “training,” most anyone can be snapped out of the haze and recognize that this “important speech” that made so many people on the set cry, is a typical “BEFORE” snapshot of a victim who has not had any sort of introspection, awakening, or therapy yet it is being celebrated as the “AFTER” self-awareness image. Let me ask you: Would any of you want to date, befriend, or hang out with anyone who talks about themselves and “womanhood” that way? ‘Seems like a big red (pink) flag to me. Ironically, feminism is about gaining equality. The movie instead lands right back where it started, with victim women ruling the land of Barbie. And for some reason, Robbie’s Barbie goes back to the horrible 1950s version of “Reality.” What? What is her motivation there? This movie is a convoluted mess.
NOTE: The clip used for the metaphor for Gerwig’s speech is from the ending of “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.” (And that kind of sums it all up!) In it, all of the women march into a hospital room filled with all of the injured men. Ethel Merman leads the hoard and screams at the men calling them idiots and telling them, “It’s all your fault!” Of course she takes zero responsibility for the actions which render her flat on her rear. I’d say that sums up what Gerwig was saying in the America Ferrera speech. I cannot remember whether the men were solely to blame in that comedy, but, regardless, it was clear that Merman’s character was a blow-hard. And no matter what, the film was a silly comedy. There was no “message” or activist agenda. Anyone and everyone could kick back and enjoy the shenanigans. I’m sure there’s plenty for the SJW snowflakes to have a fit over, but the movie is essentially a “cartoon.” Who would have thought it would have something so important to say 60+ years later in summarizing the Barbie Speech.
Watch this parody of DATELINE that investigates the demise of the Star Wars Empire!
Date Line’s an award-winning news magazine with classic story-telling, often revolving around murder mysteries. How befitting (or ironic) then, that we need to investigate the demise of one of the greatest, classic stories ever told. Who Killed Star Wars? Although, it’s not much of a mystery, investigative journalism will reveal many of the suspects. From Rian Johnson and Kathleen Kennedy to J.J. Abrams and Bob Iger. One thing’s for sure, it’s all happened after Disney acquired LucasFilm. Even Academy Award Winning Editor of Star Wars, Marcia Lucas, says: “They Killed Star Wars!” My how the mighty have fallen. What happened to the once great empire?
Who would have thought that Snow White, the very first fairy tale chosen by Walt Disney himself, to be the very first animated feature, ever, and essentially birth the Disney Company as we know it today, could become so controversial? And, in this era of hyper-awareness to cultural appropriation, one might think that race swapping the young lady whose “skin is white as snow” would surely be foolhardy. What is going on over at that magic kingdom? Who is advising this kingdom “nowadays?” You’d think they’d have a knowledgeable magic mirror of their own. Even a Magic Eight Ball would likely do better! Bob Iger actually returned to “right the ship!” ‘seems kind of silly since he steered it towards the rocks several years back. Mr. Iger, who is clear a genius at acquisitions, hasn’t fared so well in keeping those “catches” alive and well. With Kathleen Kennedy opening a can of “woke a$$” on Star Wars, and Rachel Zegler running the beloved story of Snow White into the ground, poor Bob Iger just can’t seem to catch a break! #snowwhite #rachelzegler #antiwoke
