A New Take On Greta Gerwig's America Ferrera Iconic Barbie Speech

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Imagine you are attending "The Barbies!" We've got a more truthful albeit still confusing monologue by America Ferrera as a presenter here at "The Barbies!"
Ferrera: Welcome to the BARBIES. Yes. We’re taking back our power by blaming everyone for our problems. It’s literally impossible to be powerful while acting like a loser, but we’re going to go for it. It kills me that you’re smart and beautiful, but you totally fell for this disempowering bullshit.
And now that women have been put in charge in Hollywood …they have to answer for all of their box office flops and poorly written films.
But if fans or men point that out, they’re accused of being toxic, racist, or sexist. And nobody gives us women an award or medal or even a toaster oven. Just millions upon millions of dollars and maybe an Oscar for incomprehensible reasons.
And it’s literally impossible to accuse men of objectifying us if we do it first. And It’s literally impossible to pretend to champion curvy women of color and various genders while having the personification of the white blond ideal woman Margot Robbie cast in the title role.
And it’s literally impossible to use literally, literally this many times. Like. It just kills me.

TERMS and CONDITIONS for Accepting Jesus

 

TERMS and CONDITIONS for Accepting Jesus

Studies have shown that, in fact, every person who answers “YES” to the query: “Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?” has meticulously read, studied, and understood just what that entails. Just as no one would ever be foolish enough to tick that ubiquitous box that reads “I have read and accept all of the terms and conditions” on SPOTIFY or every/any other APP or service without first scrutinizing their rights and obligations, I would never “hand over” my power without complete awareness of exactly what that means.

“Just what does that mean,” queried our investigative reporter. “Um, well, uh,” was a common response. “People really should read the fine print and be prepared to know what they stand for and are getting into,” said Pastor Goldblum at St. Mary’s Temple of the Perpetually Perplexed.

When caught breaching their agreement, several Christians have been kicked out and even banished to eternal suffering in hell. Take for example how “vengeance is mine saith the lord” is a policy strictly adhered to. No Christian would ever be caught passing judgment or punishment on a brother or sister. People think the “Inquisition” was a real thing, but there’s no way that could ever have even been a thing in light of these terms and conditions.

It is righteous to execute criminals who clearly do not accept nor follow the Lord’s commandments like “Thou Shalt not kill.” If someone does that, they should be killed. That’s why the crusades were so important and everyone was given the chance to join up or die. Of course, before even Jesus came along, the world’s very first terms and conditions were known as “The Ten Commandments.”

Once the people read through the entire agreement and accepted those terms, there was no adultery or coveting or anything. Of course, the New Testament had a lot more clauses, but any God-fearing Christian will know that contract down to the smallest of details.

LGBTQ Weaponizes Math

LGBTQ Weaponizes Math

Saratoga, FL: It’s long been the dread of all math students, myself included: “the story problem.” “When will train A overtake train B...?” Well, it turns out that the LGBTQRST community wants to overtake train HE now. These story brain-painers have become brain washers with the insidious injection of suggestions that induce gender dysphoria. Take for example this problem: “A man walks into a flower shop on a lovely spring day and buys 12 Gerbera Daisies. He accidentally drops 2. How many are left to give to his spouse?” Clearly, the problem insinuates his spouse is his husband because no “man” would ever buy daisies, let alone enter a flower shop any day other than February 14 or, more likely, February 15. How dare they invoke their gay agenda somewhere that we would least expect (or ever look for) it? What a perfect tool for perverting young minds.

We’re expecting to see more like this:
“If Billy has three roses and he gives two to Tommy, how many does he have left?”

“If Sarah drives her Camouflauge Hummer 40 miles an hour to the Army Surplus Store 80 miles away, when will she get there?” I feel this question is also incorrectly punctuated because clearly the word “she” should be in quotes.

“If Carl uses an ounce of hair product to Jooge a client’s hair, how many 8 ounce tubes of product will he need to Jooge all eight women on his schedule at the salon today?” Sure, the math is simple (Answer: 3), but the real problem is anything but!

Of course the libtards aren’t calling it what it is, “The Make Math Gay Again bill,” but we know better.

We Discriminate (Between the Finer Things) at the Academy Awards

 We Discriminate (Between the Finer Things) at the Academy Awards

The diminishing-in-numbers but still savvy home-viewers of the Academy Awards broadcast this year noticed that the show installed a whole new extra special upper elite luxury section in the front of the auditorium where the likes of Will and Jada Smith were seated. Somewhat similar to ultra-high-end box seats gifted to the uber-class at sporting events, this stunning move really set apart the polished from the merely “highly washed” masses in attendance at the ceremony which not only awards the mega-rich, Hollywood elite, but gives some occasional awards to the “nouveau célèbre,” seated in the far, far back.

“What we are trying to do,” said one Academy member, “is distinguish between the haves and the have-it-alls.” “We purposely wanted to segregate the attendees,” said another member of the all black production team, installed as a victory for diversity. “It was a brilliant move,” said a spokesperson for a popular Hollywood insider journal. “They segregated the rich and famous from the super rich and world-famous. Previously, they only had a sort of front-of-the-bus, back-of-the-bus thing going.” It really put those attendees in the back of the second balcony “in their rightful place.” We asked the people in the nose-bleed seats for comments, but most just replied, “I hope to be there someday.”

“Only the A-list, like Steven Spielberg, familiar with lists from directing ‘Schindler’s List,’ are worthy of such an honor.” In order to install the section where only a few dozen ultra-class legends could be seated, hundreds of regular (albeit previously sought-after orchestra section seats) had to be removed. “It was great because a lot of other people who think they deserve to be at the awards could no longer fit in, literally and figuratively. You know, all the people who the winners thank because the movie could never have been made without them. Those people. Let’s face it. They are NOT at the top-of-the-food-chain nor award winners. That title is reserved as special and truly means something.”

Surely, everyone must agree, it’s an honest and accurate reflection of society. Only the top .1% should take the spoils and real estate of the rest. These people literally should “Get a seat at the table.” The others clearly haven’t done enough or aren’t talented enough (or know enough “right people”) to get that seat. “Do you want to trample on the American public’s hopes and dreams? Let’s face it, they mostly tune in thinking that someday they will have a seat at the front table. And Hollywood is in the dream-making business.”

Long Term Symptoms of Covid

Moral Pole Reversal Syndrome

As the Covid pandemic takes a welcome place in the rear-view-mirror of our lives, more and more devastating long-term effects of the virus are being revealed. “They were hard to catch at first,” said one respected individual with a very high I.Q., “I kept feeling that something wasn’t quite right. But when I connected the dots, it was all too late.” What’s diabolical, is those affected by the symptoms were never infected by the virus. It’s a sort-of community-based-infection.

Little by little, self-proclaimed tolerant liberals are becoming less and less tolerant of other’s choices. And so-called brothers-keepers religious peoples are not even wanting to be incovenienced at possibly “helping thy neighbor” by wearing a mask, whether the silly bit of fabric works or not.
 
Other symptoms include:  
-A severe memory loss over kindness and acceptance. Almost no member of “Our Lady of Perpetual Grief” could recall Jesus mentioning “whatsoever you do to the least of your brothers and sisters, you do unto me,” as they breathed and spit onto scared people who really only wanted to live and protect their own families without trespassing at all onto others.

-Shortness of breath and fatigue after flying into a rage when asked to consider another person’s well-being.

Yelling often is followed by dizziness, anxiety, fever and, especially, disorientation (literally). People have become completely DISoriented. They no longer have any orientation. What once was their creed, scripture, guiding principle or Northern Star has now flipped. Often, they defend their “flipped stance”  by prefacing statements with “But this is different. This is for the health and safety of other people.”
 
Lest one thinks this is only affecting conservatives, liberals have been the hardest hit by the long-term effects. Adopting a sort-of “scorched earth, either you’re with us or you’re against us—and will likely kill us” mentality, progressives set out to demean, demoralize, shame, and even call for the death (if not execution) of people who were scared to be injected with something that “smarter and far richer people who never make mistakes or have ulterior motives” brewed up. Sure, Vioxx, Thalidimide, DDT, Agent Orange, bank credit systems security, defective brakes, were mistakes and eventually un-covered-up, but triumphs like Glyphosate show overall victory over nature and micro-organisms and their desire to kill us.

Symptoms of the viral spread were evident at a local women’s rights, “My body my choice,” rally, where only vaccinated people could attend. “Get the fucking vaccine or get out” became a new motto and chant.  

Indeed, these devastating, long-term effects of Covid are far-reaching and paradigm-shifting. It seems the disease ends up in a complete reversal of one’s moral values, diabolically often without the infected persons awareness of ANY of the symptoms. Although, at times, they are conscious enough to defend the “about face.” “Let’s face it, morals are flexible and can change over time and situations,” exclaimed one die-hard spiritual leader. “The word of God is the word of God and we are our brothers keepers.”

A member of the CDC reluctantly named the effects as IMPR, “Ironic Moral Pole Reversal.” Taking a page from the playbook on the concept known as “Magnetic Pole Reversal” or “Geologic Pole Reversal” wherein the magnetic poles of the earth shift and change places resulting in an extinction level event.

Intelligent people who have marched demanding “My Body My choice” have, in some cases, held down people (who have made other choices) and injected them because it was the “right thing to do” for humanity and civilization as we (thought we) know it.

Once considered the tell-tale signs of conservatism, liberals are experiencing demonstrable symptoms of intolerance, shaming, judgment, and selective application of the first amendment. Commoners, celebrities, influencers, spokespeople, and companies  had their “free speech” canceled. Note the use of quotes around “free speech.”

Many Hollywood ceLIBs have become notably less liberal. “They should go ahead and die and decrease the surplus population” exclaimed a bright, funny, well-liked, liberal, progressive talk show host and comedian. Although he remained nameless, here’s a few other ceLIBs: Jimmy Kimmel: “Covid patients don't deserve ICU beds….rest in peace, wheezy.” Howard Stern echoed Kimmel's sentiment about anti-vaxxers clogging up ICU beds. "I'm really of mind to say, 'Look, if you didn't get vaccinated [and] you got Covid, you don't get into a hospital.' Go fuck yourself.” And The Terminator himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger (former governor of California) said, “screw your freedom” to the anti-vaccination citizens.