We Discriminate (Between the Finer Things) at the Academy Awards

 We Discriminate (Between the Finer Things) at the Academy Awards

The diminishing-in-numbers but still savvy home-viewers of the Academy Awards broadcast this year noticed that the show installed a whole new extra special upper elite luxury section in the front of the auditorium where the likes of Will and Jada Smith were seated. Somewhat similar to ultra-high-end box seats gifted to the uber-class at sporting events, this stunning move really set apart the polished from the merely “highly washed” masses in attendance at the ceremony which not only awards the mega-rich, Hollywood elite, but gives some occasional awards to the “nouveau célèbre,” seated in the far, far back.

“What we are trying to do,” said one Academy member, “is distinguish between the haves and the have-it-alls.” “We purposely wanted to segregate the attendees,” said another member of the all black production team, installed as a victory for diversity. “It was a brilliant move,” said a spokesperson for a popular Hollywood insider journal. “They segregated the rich and famous from the super rich and world-famous. Previously, they only had a sort of front-of-the-bus, back-of-the-bus thing going.” It really put those attendees in the back of the second balcony “in their rightful place.” We asked the people in the nose-bleed seats for comments, but most just replied, “I hope to be there someday.”

“Only the A-list, like Steven Spielberg, familiar with lists from directing ‘Schindler’s List,’ are worthy of such an honor.” In order to install the section where only a few dozen ultra-class legends could be seated, hundreds of regular (albeit previously sought-after orchestra section seats) had to be removed. “It was great because a lot of other people who think they deserve to be at the awards could no longer fit in, literally and figuratively. You know, all the people who the winners thank because the movie could never have been made without them. Those people. Let’s face it. They are NOT at the top-of-the-food-chain nor award winners. That title is reserved as special and truly means something.”

Surely, everyone must agree, it’s an honest and accurate reflection of society. Only the top .1% should take the spoils and real estate of the rest. These people literally should “Get a seat at the table.” The others clearly haven’t done enough or aren’t talented enough (or know enough “right people”) to get that seat. “Do you want to trample on the American public’s hopes and dreams? Let’s face it, they mostly tune in thinking that someday they will have a seat at the front table. And Hollywood is in the dream-making business.”