TERMS and CONDITIONS for Accepting Jesus

 

TERMS and CONDITIONS for Accepting Jesus

Studies have shown that, in fact, every person who answers “YES” to the query: “Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?” has meticulously read, studied, and understood just what that entails. Just as no one would ever be foolish enough to tick that ubiquitous box that reads “I have read and accept all of the terms and conditions” on SPOTIFY or every/any other APP or service without first scrutinizing their rights and obligations, I would never “hand over” my power without complete awareness of exactly what that means.

“Just what does that mean,” queried our investigative reporter. “Um, well, uh,” was a common response. “People really should read the fine print and be prepared to know what they stand for and are getting into,” said Pastor Goldblum at St. Mary’s Temple of the Perpetually Perplexed.

When caught breaching their agreement, several Christians have been kicked out and even banished to eternal suffering in hell. Take for example how “vengeance is mine saith the lord” is a policy strictly adhered to. No Christian would ever be caught passing judgment or punishment on a brother or sister. People think the “Inquisition” was a real thing, but there’s no way that could ever have even been a thing in light of these terms and conditions.

It is righteous to execute criminals who clearly do not accept nor follow the Lord’s commandments like “Thou Shalt not kill.” If someone does that, they should be killed. That’s why the crusades were so important and everyone was given the chance to join up or die. Of course, before even Jesus came along, the world’s very first terms and conditions were known as “The Ten Commandments.”

Once the people read through the entire agreement and accepted those terms, there was no adultery or coveting or anything. Of course, the New Testament had a lot more clauses, but any God-fearing Christian will know that contract down to the smallest of details.